Some days I wonder what has disconnected in my brain. I can hardly believe I used to multitask with such speed and efficiency and now...I need an 8th day of the week. How does that happen? Hmmm... Or should I ask when did it happen?I have decided that transitioning from being a kid to being an adult is more fun than going into mid life. Well, honestly I guess I am past that too. Geez, I think I am old. I have to stop thinking that. I can't really tell how old anyone is anymore. I always guess wrong. Maybe because I don't choose to remember how old I am.
Now that I have succeeded in feeling like an old lady who swallowed a fly, I don't know why she swallowed a fly...I think she'll die.
I have to pull myself back up by thinking of some of the great things that I have noticed about mid life. Hmmm...well, what comes to mind is feeling more comfortable in my skin. I actually have my own personality now. I am not looking at everyone around me to determine how I feel about myself. Day by day I have learned to be myself and not worry about what others think of me. That is a really freeing feeling.
Something else I have been able to recognize is that others see us so different than we see ourselves. I can be my harder on myself than anyone else can.
I think in the last 5-6 years, I have felt like I have been redesigning who I am and what I want to accomplish . I used to get in that frantic...OMG...I have to hurry up because I'm getting old and my time is running out. But since I learned that there is all the time I need. That time comes from me. I haven't felt that way. It seems good to take that lid off and release that inner pressure. Sometimes the things I think about are the worst case scenarios you could ever dream up. I'm putting in for a tune up on that. I hate when I do it and I am just so conditioned that I really have to catch myself and say...stop it!
Now that I am always in beta mode...every day seems exciting. It's ok to go with the flow and not fight the current. Stop pinching the quarter and relax a little bit. I guess I have been a caregiver so long ...too long...but my respite is finally here. I appreciate every day and I wish i had been able to figure out a way to do it sooner. Hey, but I did it! I got my bow hunting license and I am going for my gun course in October. Who knows I may even trek into the woods. I sold my motorcycle...but you never know, I may see one I just have to have yet!
I feel like every day is my 8th day of the week. That one extra day you can just put your feet up, shut off the world and say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
